Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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