it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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