the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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