also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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