i think i have two assholes
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
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I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
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I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
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