Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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