Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
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Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
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I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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