Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
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just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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