rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
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I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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