Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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