I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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