you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize