Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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