I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
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I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
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No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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