I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize