is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
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Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
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I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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