are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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