Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
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I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
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My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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