Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize