I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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