she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
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