Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize