I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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