pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
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I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
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and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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