bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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