Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
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The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
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Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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