Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize