check it out our google latitudes are spooning
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
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I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
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That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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