Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
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HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
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Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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