the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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