3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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