why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
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You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
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I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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