My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
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So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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