Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
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