yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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