In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize