dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
it was like eating out sand paper
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
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I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
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But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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