this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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