Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
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then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
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Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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