And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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