how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
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why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
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Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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