First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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