walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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