I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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