She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize