glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bit a glass in half.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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