If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
My vagina is officially offended.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
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