I'm so fucking centered right now
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
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I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
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I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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