He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
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He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
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Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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