I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize